Don't Call Me Mommy (Unless I Birthed You)

March 13th, 2010 View Comments


At Edelman, we receive a lot of pitches from bloggers looking to connect with the brands we represent. With some bloggers now making six figures from their blogs, this isn’t going to stop anytime soon, and it’s no surprise that there are now multiple conferences focused on the business of turning blogs profitable.

An article by Jennifer Mendelsohn in tomorrow’s New York Times Style Section (posted online today) profiles Bloggy Boot Camp, a professional blogging seminar targeted to women. Sadly, the article is accompanied by the demeaning headline, “Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand.” Let’s face it: clever articles are accompanied by inappropriate, sensationalist headlines. This is par for the course in the age of Twitter. Unfortunately, both the headline and the tone of the entire piece are somewhat frustrating to me as a woman, an executive and a long time blogger.

I invite you to read the full piece and form your own opinions, but sentences like “bringing together participants for some real-time girly bonding” might very well stop you in your tracks. As I write this, my husband (and fellow Edelman executive Michael Wiley) is at SXSW. Would Mendelsohn classify that experience as macho bonding? Or would she write that he is attending a conference for the purposes of education and networking? Why do people, including Ms. Mendlesohn, continue to refer to networking among women as girly bonding? I seriously doubt the participants at Bloggy Boot Camp were wearing jammies and braiding each other’s hair. However, from the tenor of the piece, it was pretty easy to jump to that conclusion. Tiffany Romero, a co-founder of the conference is described as steering the proceedings “with the good-natured sass of a sorority social chairwoman,” and Mendelsohn notes that Romero went barefoot most of the day. Relevant? I don’t get how.

Moving beyond the sorority party comparisons to the meat of the article, Bloggy Boot Camps are one-day sessions created to educate bloggers on the ins and outs of blogging professionally. I have never attended one of these particular conferences, but I have to wonder what really goes down at one. I think it is terrific that women want to get together to share tips on making their blogs more lucrative and well-read, but I question some of what I am reading here. Were attendees really drinking mimosas out of SIPPY cups? And while I am sure there was time spent covering the basics of how to better utilize Google-friendly keywords, were the attendees doing so only to “get 28,549 views of [their] tutu-making tutorial?” Is that what the “mommy bloggers” are covering these days? I must be really out of the loop.

There are some interesting points made in this article that are buried in all the fluff, and I am going to make the assumption that this one-day seminar was actually quite a bit more useful and rewarding than comes across here. Mendelsohn points out that “bloggers and corporations are still forging the proper boundaries of their relationship, groping through uncharted territory.” This is absolutely true, and the complex nuances of this situation deserve more column space.

As I mentioned, my team gets contacted by a lot of bloggers who want to be sponsored. The ones who resonate are the ones who have a story to tell in a unique way that will make our brands a little more human. Does increased Google traffic help? Sure thing. But content is king. Bloggers should focus on providing interesting and well-written content first, and traffic-making schemes second. I am unclear on whether this was covered at Bloggy Boot Camp.

I am in agreement with Mendolsohn’s point that “mothers often prefer the warts-and-all experiences of other moms online — and the ability to discuss them interactively — to the dry, inflexible pronouncements spouted by experts in books and parenting magazines.” Where I struggle is in how these relationships are frequently described by the press. Is it possible for moms to form bonds online without the accompanying “girly” descriptors? Can we continue to support each other both online and off without the sorority house comparisons? This article tells me we aren’t quite there yet, but one can hope…


Danielle Wiley
Edelman Digital, Chicago
Follow on Twitter @foodmomiac

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  • As a new mom, I hate the term 'mommy blogger'. I was a writer/blogger/digital nerd way before I gave birth to my little one. To be categorized in a very narrow channel, to me, disrespects the layers of writing and thinking I've done pre-babe.

    I'd like to be called Digital Brick Layer, thank you very much.
  • Kim
    Wait, not so fast. Outstanding response Danielle but I don’t think that we should run away from the term “mommy-blogger.” It’s the mommy that attracts me to these blogs in the first place. That title gives me an instant connection whereas “parent-blogger” screams boring! A quality product and exposure to talented writers like you will ultimately evoke respect.

    Kim Dawson-Brooks
    Aspiring Mommy-Blogger
  • I think the one thing you missed is that the NYT Styles Section seems to insist on a snarky, fluffy tone of voice for the entire section. I'm a subscriber and I tend to skip everything in the section except the Modern Love and Featured Vows columns.

    I appreciate that the Times is trying to offer me a fluffy way to slide into reading the massive tome that is the Sunday paper, but 9 times out of 10 they fail to connect with me because I'm not rich enough or snobby enough or anti-feminist enough to agree with their writers.
  • I was a mom blogger before we were called mom bloggers. When they slapped the title on me, I thought, "I'm a mom who blogs for other moms. Mom blogger? Okay."

    This article didn't annoy me as much as it has the rest of the, er, community-of-women-who-blog-about-parenting, in part because the Style section of the New York Times writes to everyone in that annoyingly cutesy tone. But also because I AM building a brand, and I have been doing that since my very first post in 2003.

    I'm proud that I managed to build a business from home, largely around my kids' schedules, on my own terms. I'm a mom blogger, yes, but also an entrepreneur. We all are, whether we're making enough for "latte money" or pulling in six figures. And that's something to be proud of no matter what people say about us.
  • This article is just a symptom of an ongoing issue with the NY Times Style section. It's at least the third time in the past several years that I've been aware of an article that they've published which is condescending in attitude toward women, and I'm not a regular Times reader.
  • Read your post--so much more eloquent than I would have been. I read that NYT piece and was instantly annoyed. I suppose I will have to get it out eventually but for now, I'm reading great responses like yours and nodding along.
  • i was also angry after reading the article - I ranted over here http://hadassahsabo.wordpress.com/2010/03/15/so...
    the worst was the tone. I think she might have had some valid points to make, but she was so condescending....

    great post.
  • Thank you all so much for your thoughtful and supportive comments! I was so angry after reading that article, and the only way I could (constructively) get my feelings out was to write them down. This, to me, is the essence of why we have blogs. In the old days, I'd have journaled my anger. Today, I blog it and then get to read your wonderful thoughts in response. Love it.
    Signed, Danielle (sitting barefoot in my office as we speak)
  • Well said. I linked to you on my post - http://kellysluckyyou.blogspot.com/2010/03/now-...
  • Don't let the opinion of a self important journalist define you or effect what you do. The opinions and experiences of Mom bloggers (or in my case Nanna Blogger since I have a 16 yr old grandson) are no less valid after this piece of "journalistic" trash then they were before.
  • I think the "truth" of the situation is somewhere in the middle of both arguments. I don't think every female who blogs is out to reap scores of cash, nor is every female blogger writing for the enjoyment of writing.

    I have a humor blog about everything from my take on Latisse for eyelash growth to my daughter eating poop. It's funny, tongue-in-cheek sarcasm meant to celebrate my imperfetions as a mother, wife, and female. To poke fun at our society occasionally. I have a dedicated group of followers that numbers about 50. I sell no ads currently, but would love to.

    I blog because I love writing and it seems like a means to an end. To write and make people laugh. That's it.
  • bob
    Actually, everyone thinks of SXSW as a massive party. Networking is an afterthought.

    So, I don't think your husband is out there toiling away. Sure work will get done, but I envy him at the moment. I certainly wouldn't envy him for going to an actual conference.

    I had no idea mommy blogger was considered an insult today.
  • Actually I had to laugh at the mention of the co-founder going most of the day barefoot. I was in attendance at a talk Mark Victor Hansen did where he did the whole thing sans shoes. I'm guessing that would have been ok with the New York Times though. ;)
  • Great post. I find myself reading these articles after friends and family send links assuming that "blog" in any form means it applies to me. I have stopped following the links with any measure of excitement as I now know that my version of blogging, my interpretation, is miles removed from those that choose to shine a light, weak and misguided though it might be.
    I am a mom. I am a writer. I have a blog. I do not drink from a sippy cup and I do not seek fame in a post or riches in a review.
  • This is an excellent post! I agree that the whole demeanor of this article is condescending. I cannot imagine any world in which this tone (or the Style section) would be used to characterize a tech/social media conference for men who blog.
  • Funny, I'm a mother and I'm a blogger and I'm an author, but I would never refer to myself as a mommy blogger or mommy author. I write a blog about frugal living, which has a little something to do with living frugally while raising kids (as does my book Suddenly Frugal--also the name of my blog), but I treat it like a business. And if you call me I'll answer the phone "Leah Ingram" not "Frugal mommy blogger here!"

    Leah
  • Nicely Said. Edleman is indeed one of the firms that just GETS IT.

    The NYT, in its print heyday may have been a go to source. Sadly, in the digital era, they take on sensational article titles that fail to satisfy. The 'journalist' who wrote this less than 'brilliant' tidbit was indeed apparently in attendance. Sadly, she either slept through the day or had her 'mommy goggles' on, as she missed the whole point. I'll give her that when an event coordinator goes through the day barefoot, its less than 'professional' and maybe that's something 'mommy' bloggers need to look at. How is the community 'looked' at from the outside? Does the community continue to give the media a vision of sorority house giggle and glee? or Is the community, polished and professional in word and demeanor?

    I'm not a 'mommy blogger' in the 'truest' sense of that word, but I am a mom, a grand-mom, and yes I blog. I don't align myself personally with the sorority of the niche. But time and time again, I see the mainstream media out of one side of its mouth sing praises of 'mommy bloggers' and the otherside seek to undermine the real community that the niche has become.

    Echo Bravo, Danielle! And thanks for putting it all in perspective!
  • Tu-tu making tutorial. Sure.
  • Nicely done Danielle. Bravo.

    Indeed this brand-blogger dance is still an awkward tango at best and I think in fact Ms Mendelsohn nailed that aspect in her article very well. I give props to people like you and your team who Get It and are working to do it right. But I don't think your case is helped much when the very consumers/evangelists/online publishers you're seeking to reach are described so flippantly. In fact, it must make things harder for you, huh.
  • Perhaps I'm naive, but I've always believed that good things come to those who deserve it. The real A-list mom bloggers are (semi)famous for a good reason: they provide amazing content that connects in a meaningful way with a whole lot of other mothers.

    While on the one hand I don't want to begrudge anyone the chance to earn some money, I cringe when I hear about bloggers pitching themselves to PR agencies and writing media kits (and don't get me started on the sponsored tweets). I'm with Scary Mommy on this: I want a time machine to take me back to the good old days of blogging when the only way anyone "built their brand" was by writing a blog post (and probably commenting on someone else's).
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